Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Ah, teen pregnancy. Is there any topic more amusing? Juno, the hilarious original (and Oscar-nominated!) screenplay from Diablo Cody, former stripper and current Entertainment Weekly columnist, would have us believe not. And with a masterful mix of biting wit and touching tenderness, I'm buying into it.
Ellen Page plays Juno MacGuff, a high school senior who discovers that she's been knocked up by her best friend (and true love?) Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). After carefully weighing her options, she decides to give the baby up for adoption to a couple (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) who put an ad in the Pennysaver. Along the way, she learns life lessons both meaningful (about the nature of true love and what it really means to become an adult) and somewhat more inane (did you know that fetuses can have fingernails as early as twelve weeks old? Actually, I looked it up--they don't develop fingernails until week thirty-six. But who's counting, right?).
I had been looking forward to seeing Juno ever since, well, I learned that Michael Cera was in it. Then, when I actually found out what the movie was about, I became even more excited. Like crossing-off-calendar-days-with-red-marker excited. So I was pretty pissed when Juno's opening weekend rolled around and I discovered that it was only given a limited release. I made my sister scour the Internet for at least ten minutes, hoping for some sign that I would in fact be able to fill my flicks fix that weekend. Fortunately, after I spent a few days fuming-slash-moping around the house, I found out that Juno would be coming to theatres near me, though two weeks later than advertised. Better late then never, right? I even managed to score a free ticket (and a too-small t-shirt), so I suppose things worked out OK. My point with this paragraph? Oh, there is none. I just felt like sharing a story.
Alright, I suppose there is one point I can make (though the validity of me needing the previous paragraph to make is undoubtedly questionable), and it is this--Juno absolutely lived up to all the hype I had given it.
Michael Cera was awkwardly hilarious (or is it hilariously awkward?) as always, and it was good to see he and Jason Bateman working together again, even if they never had a chance to deliver some of their wonderful, Arrested Development-honed chemistry (Cera and Bateman, sadly, did not have any scenes together). Still, it made me happy to see their names in close proximity, credits-wise, once more. Ellen Page's Juno managed to be outrageous and believable at the same time, though that may be more due to an excellent screenplay than good acting (though Page's performance was far above average). J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney were both fantastic in their supporting roles as Juno's father and stepmother, and every supporting character, from Juno's female friend Leah (Olivia Thirlby) to Su-Chin (Valerie Tain), abortion protester (and provider of fetus-facts) and school acquaintance of Juno's, added something meaningful to the film--truly an ensemble cast.
If I have one quibble with Juno (and I always seem to have at least one, don't I?), it is that the first half of the film was a little too cute. Rather than trying for funny-yet-realistic dialogue, Cody seemed to delight in making almost every conversation as over-the-top as possible. The absurdity is certainly part of the charm (and all of the humor), and the contrast it provided to the second half of the film allowed it to send its message without seeming preachy, but it too often felt manufactured. Funnily manufactured, but manufactured nonetheless. The alternative, though, would have been worse--had Juno tried to be realistic as possible, it would not only have failed to stand out, but would have been just a plain old mediocre movie (and far less quotable). I'll gladly take the lesser, far lesser, of those two evils, thank you very much.

Grade: A

Saturday, January 19, 2008


Warning this post has spoilers in it. Sooooooo, went out to see Cloverfield on the Thursday midnight premiere. I had so fucking excited to see this movie since I saw the viral trailer, and I'm not entirely sure whether or not it was worth it yet. But we'll see at the end of this. So I'm sure as most of you know the movie centers around a monster attack as shown from the point of view of survivors who have a hand held camera. They are at a going away party when the lights go out and a roar is heard across the city. The end up going outside and the Statue of Liberty's head falls into the street and a couple minutes later the Empire State Building takes a dive into the ground. We see glimpses of the monster as they are running through the street and finally they take to the tunnels and walk the lines to find a way out. They turn on the night vision camera and we see the small symbiotic type creatures chasing them through the tunnel. One of them gets bitten by them. The end up getting out of the tunnel and into a shopping mall there they are greeted, not so friendly like, by the military. They find out she has a bite and they take her to a containment tent where we see a shadow of her exploding, kinda, it almost looks like all the blood vessels in her body explode but its hard to tell since its just a shadow. Eventually they get back topside where the last three go to find Rob, the main character, lover who is trapped in a building with a piece of rebar through her shoulder. they find her and pull her off the rebar and run out of the building as New York is about to be hammered down. In other words there about the blow the fuck out of New York with out any regard to remaining life, human or otherwise. So they make it the choppa and video tape as the monster gets the fuck blown out of it by a stealth bomber carrying 2000 pound bomb payload. There is whole bunch of dust and smoke and suddenly the monster jumps out and grabs their choppa and throws it to the ground. They somehow survive and pick up the tape where we see a perfectly clear shot of the monster as it peers into the camera. So to the review. In the end this was more of a love story than a monster story. Honestly if I was in New York and this happened and the girl I loved was trapped in a building I'm not sure what I would do. So kudos to Rob for having the balls to go through a ravaged city to find her. I really would have preferred to see more of the monster than was shown but it also adds to the mystique of the movie. A short movie it was clocking in at an hour and a half. Overall a 5/10 for a huge letdown and love story instead of a monster story.
-Stomp just in time for me.......what?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Ocean's 13

So i know I'm reviewing this late but I just saw it for the first time so shut the fuck up. Alright anyways, I like the Ocean's series, even though 12 wasnt that good I still liked it a little. So know ere back to the basics robbing a casino instead of stealing a fabrige egg. Of course this time they are not just stealing they are letting the public steal as well. Its a revenge job. Some parts in the movie were a bit confusing, specifically the thief talk as I have no fucking idea what any of that shit means. Anywho the movie flows very well and different parts although separate at times finally come together for one grand heist. For the most part this is highly improbable seeing as they managed to rig everything in a casino without anybody knowing, and then to top it off they stole unstealable diamonds. I guess thats what makes these movies interesting. I really enjoyed the fact that they broke the fourth wall more than once in a movie like this it really fits. For example they kept talking about shaking Sinatra's hand, for those of you who dont know Sinatra was in the original Ocean's 11. Oh yes its a remake. I know way to much about movies, i need a life. Also at the end George and Brad fooled with each other by making fun of Georges weight gain/loss and plastic surgery and Brads seemingly hundreds of kids. They also hinted at an Ocean's 14 but I think they need to come up with a better idea switch to something othere than robbing casinos its kinda old now. I felt that the Asian actor, I have no idea what his name is, was drastically underused for his gymnastic abilities, in fact they only used that part once and the other part he was a gambler. The disguises were incredibly obvious, especially since it seems that Al Pacino already knew Danny before hand. Um lets see what else. i like this move its fun, its daring and it really makes we want to go steal something valuable. Overall 9/10 for some cheesy parts.
-This is CAKE TIME!!!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Balls of Fury

Alright lets see. Funny at times. Roll was meant for Jack Black. Christopher Walken never fails. Blind men falling down elevator shafts are always hilarious.


-10 cup

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

National Treasure;Book of Secrets

Ok so i saw tis movie but i dont feel like writing too much right now so ill keep it short for yall. Nick is back as the great Ben Gates. This time his great-great-grandfather has been implicated in the assassination of Lincoln and to prove his innocence he must find a lost Native American City of Gold. They didnt really explain how that connection was fucking made but it clears him somehow. So he goes off finding more clues, breaking into unbreak-into-able places and stealing stuff. He breaks into Buckingham Palace, the White House, and kidnaps the President. Hmmmm. Not possible. If their gonna make this movie they should at least make it semi-plausible. But anyways we are taken on another whirlwind adventure throughout the world and finding some awesome hidden stuff. Overall rating 8/10 for a story line that jumped all over the place.

-As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.