Juno

Ah, teen pregnancy. Is there any topic more amusing? Juno, the hilarious original (and Oscar-nominated!) screenplay from Diablo Cody, former stripper and current Entertainment Weekly columnist, would have us believe not. And with a masterful mix of biting wit and touching tenderness, I'm buying into it.
Ellen Page plays Juno MacGuff, a high school senior who discovers that she's been knocked up by her best friend (and true love?) Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). After carefully weighing her options, she decides to give the baby up for adoption to a couple (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) who put an ad in the Pennysaver. Along the way, she learns life lessons both meaningful (about the nature of true love and what it really means to become an adult) and somewhat more inane (did you know that fetuses can have fingernails as early as twelve weeks old? Actually, I looked it up--they don't develop fingernails until week thirty-six. But who's counting, right?).
I had been looking forward to seeing Juno ever since, well, I learned that Michael Cera was in it. Then, when I actually found out what the movie was about, I became even more excited. Like crossing-off-calendar-days-with-red-marker excited. So I was pretty pissed when Juno's opening weekend rolled around and I discovered that it was only given a limited release. I made my sister scour the Internet for at least ten minutes, hoping for some sign that I would in fact be able to fill my flicks fix that weekend. Fortunately, after I spent a few days fuming-slash-moping around the house, I found out that Juno would be coming to theatres near me, though two weeks later than advertised. Better late then never, right? I even managed to score a free ticket (and a too-small t-shirt), so I suppose things worked out OK. My point with this paragraph? Oh, there is none. I just felt like sharing a story.
Alright, I suppose there is one point I can make (though the validity of me needing the previous paragraph to make is undoubtedly questionable), and it is this--Juno absolutely lived up to all the hype I had given it.
Michael Cera was awkwardly hilarious (or is it hilariously awkward?) as always, and it was good to see he and Jason Bateman working together again, even if they never had a chance to deliver some of their wonderful, Arrested Development-honed chemistry (Cera and Bateman, sadly, did not have any scenes together). Still, it made me happy to see their names in close proximity, credits-wise, once more. Ellen Page's Juno managed to be outrageous and believable at the same time, though that may be more due to an excellent screenplay than good acting (though Page's performance was far above average). J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney were both fantastic in their supporting roles as Juno's father and stepmother, and every supporting character, from Juno's female friend Leah (Olivia Thirlby) to Su-Chin (Valerie Tain), abortion protester (and provider of fetus-facts) and school acquaintance of Juno's, added something meaningful to the film--truly an ensemble cast.
If I have one quibble with Juno (and I always seem to have at least one, don't I?), it is that the first half of the film was a little too cute. Rather than trying for funny-yet-realistic dialogue, Cody seemed to delight in making almost every conversation as over-the-top as possible. The absurdity is certainly part of the charm (and all of the humor), and the contrast it provided to the second half of the film allowed it to send its message without seeming preachy, but it too often felt manufactured. Funnily manufactured, but manufactured nonetheless. The alternative, though, would have been worse--had Juno tried to be realistic as possible, it would not only have failed to stand out, but would have been just a plain old mediocre movie (and far less quotable). I'll gladly take the lesser, far lesser, of those two evils, thank you very much.

Grade: A

Cloverfield

Warning this post has spoilers in it. Sooooooo, went out to see Cloverfield on the Thursday midnight premiere. I had so fucking excited to see this movie since I saw the viral trailer, and I'm not entirely sure whether or not it was worth it yet. But we'll see at the end of this. So I'm sure as most of you know the movie centers around a monster attack as shown from the point of view of survivors who have a hand held camera. They are at a going away party when the lights go out and a roar is heard across the city. The end up going outside and the Statue of Liberty's head falls into the street and a couple minutes later the Empire State Building takes a dive into the ground. We see glimpses of the monster as they are running through the street and finally they take to the tunnels and walk the lines to find a way out. They turn on the night vision camera and we see the small symbiotic type creatures chasing them through the tunnel. One of them gets bitten by them. The end up getting out of the tunnel and into a shopping mall there they are greeted, not so friendly like, by the military. They find out she has a bite and they take her to a containment tent where we see a shadow of her exploding, kinda, it almost looks like all the blood vessels in her body explode but its hard to tell since its just a shadow. Eventually they get back topside where the last three go to find Rob, the main character, lover who is trapped in a building with a piece of rebar through her shoulder. they find her and pull her off the rebar and run out of the building as New York is about to be hammered down. In other words there about the blow the fuck out of New York with out any regard to remaining life, human or otherwise. So they make it the choppa and video tape as the monster gets the fuck blown out of it by a stealth bomber carrying 2000 pound bomb payload. There is whole bunch of dust and smoke and suddenly the monster jumps out and grabs their choppa and throws it to the ground. They somehow survive and pick up the tape where we see a perfectly clear shot of the monster as it peers into the camera. So to the review. In the end this was more of a love story than a monster story. Honestly if I was in New York and this happened and the girl I loved was trapped in a building I'm not sure what I would do. So kudos to Rob for having the balls to go through a ravaged city to find her. I really would have preferred to see more of the monster than was shown but it also adds to the mystique of the movie. A short movie it was clocking in at an hour and a half. Overall a 5/10 for a huge letdown and love story instead of a monster story.
-Stomp just in time for me.......what?

Ocean's 13

So i know I'm reviewing this late but I just saw it for the first time so shut the fuck up. Alright anyways, I like the Ocean's series, even though 12 wasnt that good I still liked it a little. So know ere back to the basics robbing a casino instead of stealing a fabrige egg. Of course this time they are not just stealing they are letting the public steal as well. Its a revenge job. Some parts in the movie were a bit confusing, specifically the thief talk as I have no fucking idea what any of that shit means. Anywho the movie flows very well and different parts although separate at times finally come together for one grand heist. For the most part this is highly improbable seeing as they managed to rig everything in a casino without anybody knowing, and then to top it off they stole unstealable diamonds. I guess thats what makes these movies interesting. I really enjoyed the fact that they broke the fourth wall more than once in a movie like this it really fits. For example they kept talking about shaking Sinatra's hand, for those of you who dont know Sinatra was in the original Ocean's 11. Oh yes its a remake. I know way to much about movies, i need a life. Also at the end George and Brad fooled with each other by making fun of Georges weight gain/loss and plastic surgery and Brads seemingly hundreds of kids. They also hinted at an Ocean's 14 but I think they need to come up with a better idea switch to something othere than robbing casinos its kinda old now. I felt that the Asian actor, I have no idea what his name is, was drastically underused for his gymnastic abilities, in fact they only used that part once and the other part he was a gambler. The disguises were incredibly obvious, especially since it seems that Al Pacino already knew Danny before hand. Um lets see what else. i like this move its fun, its daring and it really makes we want to go steal something valuable. Overall 9/10 for some cheesy parts.
-This is CAKE TIME!!!

Balls of Fury

Alright lets see. Funny at times. Roll was meant for Jack Black. Christopher Walken never fails. Blind men falling down elevator shafts are always hilarious.

5/10

-10 cup

National Treasure;Book of Secrets

Ok so i saw tis movie but i dont feel like writing too much right now so ill keep it short for yall. Nick is back as the great Ben Gates. This time his great-great-grandfather has been implicated in the assassination of Lincoln and to prove his innocence he must find a lost Native American City of Gold. They didnt really explain how that connection was fucking made but it clears him somehow. So he goes off finding more clues, breaking into unbreak-into-able places and stealing stuff. He breaks into Buckingham Palace, the White House, and kidnaps the President. Hmmmm. Not possible. If their gonna make this movie they should at least make it semi-plausible. But anyways we are taken on another whirlwind adventure throughout the world and finding some awesome hidden stuff. Overall rating 8/10 for a story line that jumped all over the place.

-As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

Tons to review today

So we have a shitload of stuff to review today due to the fact that i gots lots of shit from christmas. So on the agenda today is Blood Diamond, Pan's Labyrinth, The Simpsons Movie, and Super Mario Galaxy.

Blood Diamond:
I have always liked Leo, except for the disaster that was Titanic, and I had high hopes going into this movie. What i got exceded my expectations. the plot line of the movie, for those who dont know, we are in Seira Leone in 1999 during the diamond mining led my the rebel group R.U.F. they drive into villages murder the women and children and take some of them men to work in the diamond fields. Our main character gets caught up in one of these raids and finds himself separted from his family who manage to escape, working in the diamond fields. He ends up finding a huge pink diamond and hides it in the bush and escapes with his life when the mining camp is broken up. Leo comes in as a diamond smuggler who hears about the pink and makes a deal with Solomon. He will help his family get out if Solomon shows him where the pink is. There is some fighting and explosions and a whole bunch of stuff. During this time Solomons son get recruited, forcefully, by the R.U.F. who give him heroin and alcohol and force him to kill. More and more people find about the pink and there ends up being a "race" to get to it first. This movie was absolutley amazing showing the depth of human emotion and the struggle to survive in a poverty ridden Africa. We can feel Solomons sorrow as he searches and mourns for his family and we see Leos cunning and deception in trying to get to the diamond first. Overall score 10/10 definatly see this movie ASAP.

Pan's Labyrinth:
Another great movie that i was really looking forward to seeing. This is the story of a girl who is forced to live with her mother and step-father in wartime Spain. Her step-father is the general of a branch of the Spanish army. She finds a Labyrinth behind the place where she is staying and going into the middle she finds a faun who tells her that she is really the daughter of the king of the underworld, not the hell underworld but literally the world under our world. She must complete three tasks in order to be let back into the underworld. It is a fantasy movie that also takes place in a real world which made it very interesting for me to watch. it is also a very violent movie, example the general getting his cheek sliced open from mouth the ear and then sewing it back together. at the end of the movie i was left a little confused as to whether or not what the girl was seeing was in fact reality. for example at the end she is talking to the faun when her father comes in and sees her talking to herself. but also she is in a locked room but ends up escaping by drawing a door on the wall. confusing. overall id rate this a 10/10 for total awesomness.

The simpsons movie:
I in fact didnt really want to see this movie but ending up watching it because my brother got it for me for christmas. i was not to thrilled with at all. there were some funny parts but overall i was extreamly disappointed. also i find it funny the double standards we have in our society today that were reflected through this movie. for example bart is skateboarding naked through town and we end up seeing a 3 second shot of his penis. how tru it is only a cartoon but is lisa had been doing the same thing and we ended up seeing her va-j-j i feel the most people would consider that child porn, now dont get me wrong im not asking to see it but just pointing out the differences that occur in movies. overall a 6/10 for not living up to expectations.

Super Mario Galaxy:
Holy shit. Im not even done with the game but i thought it would appropriate to review it now. I LOVE THIS GAME. I cant stop playing it. it is the best mario game of all time. the story has you flying through space and exploring different galaxys for stars. now each galaxy is made up of different shaped planets that are often very close to each other. so close sometimes that you can jump between them. the gravity cna be a little screwy as can be the controls when going from right side up to upside down of vice versa, but overall what a great game. 10/10

-So your telling me that if i put these guys in hot water they scream, turn red and die? Yes sir that is correct. ........ That is the most brutal thing I've ever heard.

I Am Legend

Can a zombie movie win the Best Picture Oscar? I Am Legend might be that zombie movie. Unfortunately, that's a "might" and not a "will". Legend was fantastic movie, but there are a few things holding it back from being an Academy-caliber film.

First of all, it's a zombie movie. It feels very painful to write Legend off simply for that fact, but at the end of the day, despite having a powerfully moving story, the conflict revolved around creatures who shuffled around New York City looking for brains. Granted, they were a fair bit more intelligent than your usual zombies, but except for the head zombie, they were about as three-dimensional as a piece of paper. It also didn't help that about three-fourths of the way through, the movie abandoned drama and emotion for gunfire and explosions. Yes, the ending shifted back, but too much of the emotional weight had been lost already for it to be truly moving. I think Lanzador put it best--as we were leaving the theatre, he said (SPOILER ALERT) he was more moved when Sam (Will Smith's character's dog) died than when Robert (Will Smith) did (END SPOILER ALERT), and I had to agree.

Also, Will Smith did an amazing job as Robert Neville, but he seemed a little "too cool for school". It's hard to say that a better actor could have been found to play the role--I bounced this point off Lanzador and neither of us could think of someone else who would have been nearly as good--but I thought Will Smith seemed a bit too...in control, I guess, considering he had survived the zombocalypse. I wanted to see someone a little more world-weary, someone I could tell was bearing an enormous weight on his shoulders, someone like Tommy Lee Jones or Clint Eastwood, but with the tough-guy persona turned way down. I liked that Neville talked to mannequins, going so far as to give them names and worry about their safety--it successfully showed the mental toll that being the last surviving human would take on a person, and I wanted to see more of the same, to get more of a sense that Neville was barely clinging to his sanity.

The ending was good and it made sense for the story, but I wasn't quite sold on it. Maybe it was the whole explosion thing, but it just seemed a little too...convenient: (SPOILER ALERT) Neville finding the cure, the butterfly, the restoration of faith, and the self-sacrifice (END SPOILER ALERT), it just seemed like too tidy a package. I know, all movies need satisfactory closure, but that was the first time it felt like I was watching a movie, as opposed to being immersed and surrounded by it. Of course, the obviously CGI zombies didn't help either.

Despite all of this, Legend was the best movie I've seen in a very long time, and I highly recommend it to everyone, whether you're looking for heart-wrenching human emotion or some good old-fashioned zombie killing.

Grade: B+