Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Dark Knight

Fantastic, if I had to use one word to describe this movie that would it. This movie was absolutely fan-fuckin-tastic, its very hard to describe in coherent sentences about how I feel about this movie. Heath Ledger was absolutely amazing as the Joker and easily out-classed the Nicholson Joker of old. This movie made Batman Begins look this a piece of shit, well in my opinion it wasnt that good in the first place but, anyways, Christian Bale as Batman sort of irks me because of the thing he does with his lips when he talks, makes me not want to look at him. The movie jumps right in without any consideration for whether or not you know anything about Batman, which is good so we dont have to deal with any backstory. The Scarecrow shows up at the beginning of the movie for no apparent reason, I found that really bothersome as they just threw him in there and then didnt do anything else with him the rest of the movie. This incarnation of Joker was a complete psychopath with zero regard for life or anyones safety at all. They do not give him a backstory which is awesome because it surprisingly adds depth to the character, as well as making him more mysterious. Nicholson's Joker looks like a complete pussy compared to Heath's. I dont want to say too much about the plot so as not to spoil anything, but if you anything about the comics then you know that Harvey Dent is an important character. I cant really say enought about how awesome this movie was. The action was amazing and the new bat-gadgets were sweet, I want the sticky bomb timer thing! The Bat-sonar made me really disoriented, which after sitting for over 2 hours made me really uncomfortable. I find it very stupid that Batman is able to fall from absurd hights without any bodily damage. There was at least 3 occasions that he fell from at least 3 stories with no damage. There will be a third movie as a bunch of people are under contract for a trilogy. The big issue is whether or not the Joker will make a re-apperance as Heath is dead. The Riddler will most likely be the villian in the next one, there is a hint towards it as one of the characters names is Mister Reese, "mysteries", so there is a good chance that he will be the Riddler in the next one. My one issue is if Heath Ledger wins a posthumous Oscar, will it be because his preformance deserved it or is because he's dead? So we'll see where that goes. Also I felt there was alor of people in the theater who would otherwise have not gone to this movie only did because Heath Ledger is dead. Oh well such is life.
Overall score 11/10, yes it was that awesome.
-I have to...................... "Why so serious?"

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Went out to see Hellboy II tonight, I really enjoyed the first one so I figured what the fuck lets go see the second one. I really enjoyed the film and had a good time watching it. Overall the movie was very riveting and had its funny points which broke up the tension between action scenes. Directed by Guillermo Del Toro, who to my knowledge has yet to make a bad movie, it was very stylishly done and kept the audience enthralled by the lighting fast action scenes as well as the dialogue. The story line follows Hellboy as he tries to stop the Elven Prince from retrieving all three pieces of the legendary crown and awakening the Golden Army to destroy the humans. Straying from the first movie he introduces a whole underground world of elves, golbin and other mythical creatures that live literally right beneath out feet. Ron Perlman reprises as the lovable red behemoth who protects our world without our knowledge. We get to see the sensitive side of Hellboy as well when he is forced to do somethinghe does not want to, I liked this as it broke up the action and made Hellboy more human instead of just being a crime fighting demon. The action sequences in this movie were fantastic and were really stylistically done, Del Toro really knows what he is doing when it comes to directing an action sequence. He was able to think of some very innovative creatures along with deaths to go along with some of them. He also seems to have a fixation with creatures who eyes where they shouldnt be, as seen in Pan's Labyrinth and Hellboy. There was a part that indicated a possible third movie, so we'll see where that goes. Overall I really enjoyed this movie, my one huge problem with it was young Hellboy, his mouth didnt match up with his words and he was rather annoying overall, other than that I had a great time and recommended this one highly.
Rating: 8/10
-My body is a temple, fuck that its a carnival.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


I went out to see Wanted on Wednesday fully expecting an unrealistic action flick that is a good escape for a while, and boy did it deliver. Wanted is about a young man about our age who finds out that he is the son of the greatest assassin in the world and is now being recruited to join The Fraternity, a group of assassins. After much persuasion he decides to join and has to go through rigorous training before he is allowed to kill. They teach him many different skills such as curving the bullets and being able to pick other bullets out of the sky by shooting them down. He eventually gets to kill people and the movie progresses from there when he tries to kill the man who killed his father. Of course there are twists and such, which i wont reveal for obvious reasons. Overall the movie was very well made with good action sequences and stylized fight scenes. In the end though the movie makers overused some of the coolest action parts way to fucking much. Almost every bullet shot was either curved or shot out of the sky by another bullet. I mean comon give us something else. Its a rather graphic movie with some really awesome death scenes, it also has its fair share of comedy, when the comedy does actually show up its well placed and got many laughs from the audience. It was cast very well, but they left some huge plot points open, for example they introduce a character and then explain nothing about him, as well the Loom of Fate which tells the assassins which targets to kill works in binary code, but the monks who started The Fraternity started it 1000 years ago. Monks knowing binary? I think not.
Overall rating 7.5/10 for overuse of action scenes as well as unexplained points.
-Shoot THIS muther fucker!

Sunday, June 22, 2008


Ok this is for all you Trigun fans out there. With the new announcement of the live action Dragonball movie I was thinking who would be good to play parts in a live action Trigun movie, so far I have Edward Nortan as the preacher. Discussion and ideas please, the actor who plays Vash needs to be very widely talented as he needs to go from goofy to dead serious in a second and also be psyhcotic as he will be playing Knives as well. Go at it.
-Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please, testicles, that is all.

Friday, June 20, 2008


*Stabs eyes out and puts firecrackers in ears*

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Kung Fu Panda

Went to see Kung Fu Panda today with my little brother, I was expecting it to be a lame kids movie but I really enjoyed it. At the beginning we see Po, played by Jack Black, wake up and meet his father who is clearly not his father as they are of different species. Through a series of events Po gets chosen as The Dragon Warrior and the one to defeat the newly escaped from jail Tai Lung. There is alot of physical comedy as Po attempts to train and become strong enough to defeat Tai Lung. The movie overall felt really short but was almost 2 hours in length. I suppose a good trait of a movie is that its able to keep you entertained so that you dont realize how much time has past. In the end Jack Black throws some classic Tencaious D in the mix by uttering the word, Skadoosh, which of course is nonsense but he mangaes to put that into every song anyways. For hardcore Tencaious D fans, see if you can figure out which character was played by JB's good buddy KG. Hint: its not a leading role, at all.
Overall score: 8/10
-What the fuck is a platypus supposed to be anyways?

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Not a movie

So today im not reviewing a movie but ranting about something that really pisses me off and I cant take it anymore. Why is that when people unlock their cars using the remote unlock they find it necessary to push the unlock button like 500 times? Usually it takes two pushes, once to unlock the front door and another ot unlock the rest of the doors. When you keep pushing the thing the car sits there and fuckin beeps for a fuckin reason. Its tellin you that its already fuckin unlocked so you dont need to push the button anymore. Today I got off work and sat outside enjoying me beverage when a fat family came out of the restaurant, the guy unlocked the car the daughter got in the car and then the guy pushed the button like 50 more times. YOUR DAUGHTER WAS ALREADY IN THE CAR OBVIOUSLY IT UNLOCKED DONT KEEP PUSHING IT!!! Fuck. People piss me off. I know its a stupid rant but I cant satnd the sound of the cars beeping 50 times when i already have to deal with the fryer beeping all fuckin day to tell me its done. Plus honestly how hard is it to put the key in the hole in the car and unlock it? When did we as a people become so fuckin lazy that we cant put a key in a hole anymore. Since theres no movie out right now that i care to see expect some more rants from me in the future,i need some way to vent my frustration. ARGH. FUCK.
-They dont want dressing? Fuck that I'll put my own dressing on it.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Eli Stone

When I first heard of this show I thought that it was going to be really stupid but I tuned in anyways to see what it was about. The show is about a lawyer, Eli Stone, who finds out he has a brain anurism. This anurism gives him visions about what cases he should take. As the show progresses and he realizes these visions are not real he still for some reason acts out in the middle of meetings when he has a vision. A good example of this is when he is meeting his boss and a dragon flies towards the window so Eli dives under a desk. This was overused a lot and become kind of annoying over time. All in all though this show was really good and was something that I wasnt expecting from it. Theres just something about the show that makes it very fun to watch.
Grade: B+ for over dramatic vision sequences.
-Dolla Dolla Bill Y'all

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Iron Man

Holy Shit! This movie blew my mind. They couldnt have cast this movie any better. The CGI was incredible. I dont even really know what else to say about this movie. For those of you who know the Iron Man story line this is the beginning story of Iron Man versus War Monger. I've always loved Iron Man and this movie lived up to all the hype it was given. Gwenyth Paltrow was looking fucking hot in this movie. I cant wait for the next movie where War Machine is probably gonna be introduced. Oh and Samuel L. mother-fuckin Jackson will play Nick Fury in the next one.
Grade A+
-Through the fire and the flames we carry on.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Super Smash Brothers

So its been a while but the amazing trio is finally back. This time I'll be reviewing Super Smash Brothers Brawl. This newish game for the Wii is the third installment of the Smash Bros franchise. This newest one contains 35 characters instead of the 25 from the last game. It also contains a new feature which is called the Subspace Emissary Mode, which is a new adventure mode. You actually follow a story line were for once Master Hand is not the final enemy. I wont ruin the ending for you but its completely different and the final boss is a BITCH!!! There is the new addition of the challenge wall where when certain activities are completed a piece of glass on the wall is broken and you get a reward. There are now 544 trophies and the new addition of 600 stickers which can be added to your character in adventure mode to boost attack strength. The replay value for this game is endless because of the brawl mode where you can battle with up to three of your friends. Some of the characters blow ass such as fan service Sonic and Snake, as well as Wario, and then there are amazing characters such as Link and Toon Link. The new addition of the Final Smash ball which lets the chracters do a Super Smash which usually damages everyone on the screen, the character is invulnerable at this time but sometimes you can fall off the screen while doing this which ends up having the player get dissed by his friends for sucking. Its also hilarious to see four characters fight over this sometimes killing themselves. Some fun party games to play are 99 Smashed Brothers where you set the stock to 99 and every time you die you take a drink of your beer. Ends up being about 8 beers so its just a one time thing but it makes for some fun times.
Overall Rating A+ I haven't found anything wrong with this game and I've played for about 100 hours. Go get it.
-I dare you to make less sense.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Bank Job

The Bank Job is based on a true bank robbery occurring in England in the 1970's that was covered up by the British government, due to the involvement of some sensitive information regarding the Royal Family. (How the filmmakers got their hands on the information behind the cover-up is anyone's guess.) Starring Jason Statham as the heist's ringleader, Terry Leather, The Bank Job is a decidedly different type of heist movie than the usual light-hearted crime capers such as The Italian Job and the Ocean's series, a difference that is one of the films best assets but one of its biggest drawbacks as well.
Unlike the aforementioned "capers", no one in The Bank Job is a professional thief. There is no demolitions expert, no tech wizard, no "grease man", none of the criminal "stereotypes" one has almost come to expect in heist movies. There are no exotic locales, and no one talks about pulling a "Baker's Dozen" or a "Crazy Larry". There's just a vault and six crooks who want to get inside it. Alright, there's a bit more to it, but I'll get to all that later.
What The Bank Job has going for it the most is that it all feels very real (which isn't surprising considering it's based on a true story). What I mean by that is if my friends and I wanted to break into a bank vault (and believe me, since seeing this movie, I've been looking into it), it would feel a lot like this. No fancy gadgets or bait-and-switch-type distractions, just a bunch of average Joes tunneling into a bank and depending on a lot of luck. All the characters felt very real, like someone I could meet walking to class or at a bar, and unlike Danny Ocean, who you end up cheering for because he's just that charming, I was cheering for Terry Leather because I could see myself in his shoes: trying to provide for his family while a couple of loan sharks are breathing down his neck. Okay, I can't really identify with the loan sharks thing, but you get my point. I cared about these characters because I wanted to, not because I had to.
But The Bank Job's adherence to realism helped me realize something about movies. Prior to this film, I would always decry any film based on a book or a true story that would stray from the path of "how it actually happened"; I would label any liberties taken with the story as bastardization and denounce the filmmaker as an unconscionable asshole who had sacrificed the original author's vision or the experiences of those involved for the sake of what would make a more commercially successful movie. But the truth rarely translates well to a movie--after all, isn't that why we go to the movies in the first place: to escape what's real and immerse ourselves in the fiction on the screen? Yes, The Bank Job was very real and tugged at my heartstrings a bit, but the plot felt rather ragged at times and occasionally left me quite confused. Ocean's Eleven might be a bit too slick, but The Bank Job wasn't slick enough. I wanted to leave the theatre going "Oh my God! That was so cool!", but instead I was still trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. True, I did that coming out of Ocean's Eleven, but at least there the filmmakers were trying to keep us fooled until the end. The Bank Job fooled me by accident, with subplots involving porn kings, corrupt cops and militant Black radicals.
Despite everything, however, I have to give The Bank Job an overall positive review. It tried to do something different with the heist genre, and though the result was a bit of a clunker, I was emotionally invested in the movie from start to finish, something I can't say about Ocean's Eleven.

Grade: B

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Ah, teen pregnancy. Is there any topic more amusing? Juno, the hilarious original (and Oscar-nominated!) screenplay from Diablo Cody, former stripper and current Entertainment Weekly columnist, would have us believe not. And with a masterful mix of biting wit and touching tenderness, I'm buying into it.
Ellen Page plays Juno MacGuff, a high school senior who discovers that she's been knocked up by her best friend (and true love?) Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). After carefully weighing her options, she decides to give the baby up for adoption to a couple (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) who put an ad in the Pennysaver. Along the way, she learns life lessons both meaningful (about the nature of true love and what it really means to become an adult) and somewhat more inane (did you know that fetuses can have fingernails as early as twelve weeks old? Actually, I looked it up--they don't develop fingernails until week thirty-six. But who's counting, right?).
I had been looking forward to seeing Juno ever since, well, I learned that Michael Cera was in it. Then, when I actually found out what the movie was about, I became even more excited. Like crossing-off-calendar-days-with-red-marker excited. So I was pretty pissed when Juno's opening weekend rolled around and I discovered that it was only given a limited release. I made my sister scour the Internet for at least ten minutes, hoping for some sign that I would in fact be able to fill my flicks fix that weekend. Fortunately, after I spent a few days fuming-slash-moping around the house, I found out that Juno would be coming to theatres near me, though two weeks later than advertised. Better late then never, right? I even managed to score a free ticket (and a too-small t-shirt), so I suppose things worked out OK. My point with this paragraph? Oh, there is none. I just felt like sharing a story.
Alright, I suppose there is one point I can make (though the validity of me needing the previous paragraph to make is undoubtedly questionable), and it is this--Juno absolutely lived up to all the hype I had given it.
Michael Cera was awkwardly hilarious (or is it hilariously awkward?) as always, and it was good to see he and Jason Bateman working together again, even if they never had a chance to deliver some of their wonderful, Arrested Development-honed chemistry (Cera and Bateman, sadly, did not have any scenes together). Still, it made me happy to see their names in close proximity, credits-wise, once more. Ellen Page's Juno managed to be outrageous and believable at the same time, though that may be more due to an excellent screenplay than good acting (though Page's performance was far above average). J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney were both fantastic in their supporting roles as Juno's father and stepmother, and every supporting character, from Juno's female friend Leah (Olivia Thirlby) to Su-Chin (Valerie Tain), abortion protester (and provider of fetus-facts) and school acquaintance of Juno's, added something meaningful to the film--truly an ensemble cast.
If I have one quibble with Juno (and I always seem to have at least one, don't I?), it is that the first half of the film was a little too cute. Rather than trying for funny-yet-realistic dialogue, Cody seemed to delight in making almost every conversation as over-the-top as possible. The absurdity is certainly part of the charm (and all of the humor), and the contrast it provided to the second half of the film allowed it to send its message without seeming preachy, but it too often felt manufactured. Funnily manufactured, but manufactured nonetheless. The alternative, though, would have been worse--had Juno tried to be realistic as possible, it would not only have failed to stand out, but would have been just a plain old mediocre movie (and far less quotable). I'll gladly take the lesser, far lesser, of those two evils, thank you very much.

Grade: A

Saturday, January 19, 2008


Warning this post has spoilers in it. Sooooooo, went out to see Cloverfield on the Thursday midnight premiere. I had so fucking excited to see this movie since I saw the viral trailer, and I'm not entirely sure whether or not it was worth it yet. But we'll see at the end of this. So I'm sure as most of you know the movie centers around a monster attack as shown from the point of view of survivors who have a hand held camera. They are at a going away party when the lights go out and a roar is heard across the city. The end up going outside and the Statue of Liberty's head falls into the street and a couple minutes later the Empire State Building takes a dive into the ground. We see glimpses of the monster as they are running through the street and finally they take to the tunnels and walk the lines to find a way out. They turn on the night vision camera and we see the small symbiotic type creatures chasing them through the tunnel. One of them gets bitten by them. The end up getting out of the tunnel and into a shopping mall there they are greeted, not so friendly like, by the military. They find out she has a bite and they take her to a containment tent where we see a shadow of her exploding, kinda, it almost looks like all the blood vessels in her body explode but its hard to tell since its just a shadow. Eventually they get back topside where the last three go to find Rob, the main character, lover who is trapped in a building with a piece of rebar through her shoulder. they find her and pull her off the rebar and run out of the building as New York is about to be hammered down. In other words there about the blow the fuck out of New York with out any regard to remaining life, human or otherwise. So they make it the choppa and video tape as the monster gets the fuck blown out of it by a stealth bomber carrying 2000 pound bomb payload. There is whole bunch of dust and smoke and suddenly the monster jumps out and grabs their choppa and throws it to the ground. They somehow survive and pick up the tape where we see a perfectly clear shot of the monster as it peers into the camera. So to the review. In the end this was more of a love story than a monster story. Honestly if I was in New York and this happened and the girl I loved was trapped in a building I'm not sure what I would do. So kudos to Rob for having the balls to go through a ravaged city to find her. I really would have preferred to see more of the monster than was shown but it also adds to the mystique of the movie. A short movie it was clocking in at an hour and a half. Overall a 5/10 for a huge letdown and love story instead of a monster story.
-Stomp just in time for me.......what?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Ocean's 13

So i know I'm reviewing this late but I just saw it for the first time so shut the fuck up. Alright anyways, I like the Ocean's series, even though 12 wasnt that good I still liked it a little. So know ere back to the basics robbing a casino instead of stealing a fabrige egg. Of course this time they are not just stealing they are letting the public steal as well. Its a revenge job. Some parts in the movie were a bit confusing, specifically the thief talk as I have no fucking idea what any of that shit means. Anywho the movie flows very well and different parts although separate at times finally come together for one grand heist. For the most part this is highly improbable seeing as they managed to rig everything in a casino without anybody knowing, and then to top it off they stole unstealable diamonds. I guess thats what makes these movies interesting. I really enjoyed the fact that they broke the fourth wall more than once in a movie like this it really fits. For example they kept talking about shaking Sinatra's hand, for those of you who dont know Sinatra was in the original Ocean's 11. Oh yes its a remake. I know way to much about movies, i need a life. Also at the end George and Brad fooled with each other by making fun of Georges weight gain/loss and plastic surgery and Brads seemingly hundreds of kids. They also hinted at an Ocean's 14 but I think they need to come up with a better idea switch to something othere than robbing casinos its kinda old now. I felt that the Asian actor, I have no idea what his name is, was drastically underused for his gymnastic abilities, in fact they only used that part once and the other part he was a gambler. The disguises were incredibly obvious, especially since it seems that Al Pacino already knew Danny before hand. Um lets see what else. i like this move its fun, its daring and it really makes we want to go steal something valuable. Overall 9/10 for some cheesy parts.
-This is CAKE TIME!!!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Balls of Fury

Alright lets see. Funny at times. Roll was meant for Jack Black. Christopher Walken never fails. Blind men falling down elevator shafts are always hilarious.


-10 cup

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

National Treasure;Book of Secrets

Ok so i saw tis movie but i dont feel like writing too much right now so ill keep it short for yall. Nick is back as the great Ben Gates. This time his great-great-grandfather has been implicated in the assassination of Lincoln and to prove his innocence he must find a lost Native American City of Gold. They didnt really explain how that connection was fucking made but it clears him somehow. So he goes off finding more clues, breaking into unbreak-into-able places and stealing stuff. He breaks into Buckingham Palace, the White House, and kidnaps the President. Hmmmm. Not possible. If their gonna make this movie they should at least make it semi-plausible. But anyways we are taken on another whirlwind adventure throughout the world and finding some awesome hidden stuff. Overall rating 8/10 for a story line that jumped all over the place.

-As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.